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It’s 10 years ago. I’m on a road trip to Germany with my then boyfriend.
I’m pretty useless as a travel companion as I can’t drive and I can’t speak German, so my boyfriend is doing both. We cross from the border from Switzerland then stop at a small town near Stuttgart.
Our first day is a sunny Saturday morning in July. We decide to visit the town’s “spa baths,” which is a glamorous name for a municipal pool with a sauna/steam room. Like many places in Europe, swimsuits must be worn in the pool, but you have to enter the sauna au naturel.
We paddle in the pool for an hour, and then I agree to meet my boyfriend in the cafe. I get undressed, grab a small face towel and head off in search of the sauna.
I follow the smell of cedar to a dark door. Opening it, I blink into the gloom to see the distinct shape of naked, middle-aged German men. Someone shouts something cheerful at me, and I reel out of there and down the corridor towards two unmarked doors.
It stands to reason, surely, that opposite the men’s sauna one would find the women’s sauna. On a whim, I pick the left-hand one and it slams behind me.
It’s not the sauna. It is the fire escape.
I am trapped, naked, inside the fire escape.
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Nudity is normal in Germany, where many locals feel just as comfortable without clothes as within them. A nudism organization known as FKK maintains dedicated nude beaches where it's compulsory to shed clothes on arrival.
Holger Wider/Sylt Marketing
Along the German coastline, there's a large FKK beach at Kampen on the vacation island of Sylt. Popular with the rich and famous, it shows nudism is acceptable across Germany's social scale.
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There are nudist zones in many public parks and on most beaches.
Wolfgang Scholvien/Visit Berlin
Park the bikes, then park the clothes. Tiergarten in Berlin has designated areas to go nude. It's not possible to strip bare everywhere in Germany without breaking the law -- walking around naked in public areas where most other people are dressed counts as a minor breach if other people are offended. Few people are though.
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Germans have been shedding their clothes for a century. The first nude beach in Germany was established in 1920 on the island of Sylt.
ANDRE FERNANDEZ/AFP/Getty Images
When Europe's biggest nudist resort opened in Cap d'Agde, in southern France, in the 1960s, Germans were among the first to hit its beaches.
Tourism Rügen
Germany's largest Baltic island, Ruegen, has no fewer than five FKK beaches. Even during the Cold War when Germany was divided by the Iron Curtain, it was united by its love of nudism.
Philip Koschel/Visit Berlin
Nakedness is permitted on all Berlin public bathing beaches -- like the Mueggelsee.
Günter Steffen/ Visit Berlin
We're sparing your blushes with this photo of Mauerpark. But in summer, this Berlin green space is an FKK hotspot, popular with disrobing locals.
Nobody knows where I am
It’s two stories high, and dark and dusty. Above me, huge fans built into the wall are rumbling at airplane-engine volume. I yell for help, pounding on the door until I get bruises on my wrist. There is nothing so pathetically vulnerable about hearing your own, suddenly very naked-sounding voice, yelling “Help!” into the abyss.
Crying, I run down the metal stairs, trying to work out what part of me I should cover with this tiny towel – my face maybe? I bang on the doors of the floor below for another 10 minutes. Nothing.
I realize that nobody knows where I am. I have visions of my boyfriend calling the police, a nationwide search, my graduation photograph on the news, and then, months later, my nude body being found in a fire escape, a washcloth modestly covering my face.
On the ground floor, I spot a chink of light and I’m overcome with relief – this must be the way out!
But no, it’s an industrial machine room, a cacophony of whirring pumps, and inexplicable, monstrous engines with cages around them. Everything has an “electrocution” sign on it.
Sobbing, I scamper nakedly around the industrial machine room, clutching the little towel. There is no way out. There is, however, a service elevator. Out of sheer panic, I run into the elevator.
Stijn Van Hulle
Monschau Altstadt: Rows of timber houses (some 300 years old), elegant restaurants and charming boutiques give the historic center of this western resort town its storybook whimsy.
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Potsdam's Grotto Hall: The Prussian palaces of Sanssouci are the main attraction of Potsdam. A few years ago, the Grotto Hall of the New Palace made its big debut, offering guests an exquisite salon with marbled walls that feature intricate mosaics made of glistening bits of seashell and stone.
Ralph Lueger
Lichtenstein Castle: Huddled in the Swabian Jura mountain range, this impressive structure sits on a steep escarpment that, depending on the season, is verdant green or bright yellow.
Wiblingen Abbey Library
Wiblingen Abbey Library: With its elaborate ceiling paintings by Franz Martin Kühn and intricate gold-trimmed pillars, the Rococo style library at Wiblingen Abbey is considered one of the most beautiful book rooms in the world. The monastery's church area also houses celestial frescoes and a striking altar.
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Bergpark Wilhelmshöhe: In 2013, UNESCO designated this hillside landscape park in Kassel a World Heritage site. It features a 350-meter-long Grand Cascade that flows down to the Neoclassical Wilhelmshöhe structure and a towering copper statue of the Greek god Hercules.
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Blautopf: One of Germany's most colorful treasures is the Blautopf, a jewel-toned spring in the city of Blaubeuren that feeds into the Blau River. The bright blue pool is about 21 meters deep, and surrounding sites -- such as the Benedictine Blaubeuren Abbey -- make the view even more impressive.
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Peacock Island: Pfaueninsel -- or Peacock Island -- is an island in Berlin's River Havel. In addition to a tiny, storybook castle that sits on the edge of the island, the area is known for a flock of peacocks that strut amongst the leafy brambles and wooded areas.
Stadt Altensteig
Altensteig: While the natural beauty of the Black Forest is a draw for many travelers, this small, picture-perfect village is also a must-see for anyone stopping near Baden-Württemberg. The medieval architecture and timber houses feel like entering a time portal into the Middle Ages.
Rainer Mirau
Sylt: The island of Sylt in the North Sea is full of natural treasures, including a geological marvel known as the Morsum Kliff. The rock formation rises about 20 meters into the sky and is marked by a palette of colors -- the result of a mix of black mica clay, red sandstone and white sand.
Attendorner Tropfsteinhöhle
Atta Cave: Running nearly 500 meters deep, this is Germany's largest dripstone cave and home to some of the most unique limestone formations in the country. Since its accidental discovery in 1907, the cave has attracted millions of visitors from around the world each year.
Andreas Bestle
Käppele: The Pilgrimage Church of the Visitation of Mary is known for ornate architecture built by Balthasar Neumann between 1748 and 1750. Just as stunning as the Käppele's onion domes and indoor frescoes is its location on the slope of the emerald green Nikolausberg hill.
Christian Wiesel
Harz National Park: With its sweeping forests and soft-blue mountains, Harz National Park is easily one of the most impressive and diverse nature reserves in Germany. It stretches across Lower Saxony and Saxony-Anhalt, offering lovely moss-covered hikes and terrain ideal for mountain biking.
Caspar Diederik
Garden Kingdom of Dessau-Wörlitz: Located in Central Germany, this World Heritage site is one of the oldest and largest English-style landscaped parks in Europe. Influenced by the 18th century's new Enlightenment ideas, Duke Leopold III of Anhalt-Dessau made a conscious decision to move from a Baroque style to a more natural aesthetic.
Monica Skolimowska/DPA/AFP/Getty Images
Bastei: The Bastei rock formation juts out 194 meters above the Elbe River in Germany's Saxon Switzerland National Park. From atop the sandstone Bastei Bridge, visitors can take in sweeping panoramic views of the Elbe Valley below.
Johannes Simon/Getty Images
Oberammergau: This small, dreamlike town sits on the Ammer River in southern Germany. Traditional frescoes known as lüftlmalerei adorn the town's buildings, depicting everyday life in Bavaria, as well as fairy tales and religious scenes.
Patrick Seeger/DPA/AFP/Getty Images
Mainau Flower Island: Hundreds of flowers bloom on this garden island in southern Germany's Lake Constance. In addition to the burst of color from the flowers, Mainau's tropical climate makes it possible for thousands of butterflies to flourish and flutter around the terrain, depending on the season.
Daniel Karmann/picture-alliance/dpa/AP
Saar Loop at Mettlach: The Saar River makes a deep turn as it approaches the German town of Mettlach, curving into a horseshoe shape known as the Saar Loop. The best way to take in this natural curiosity is by trekking up the free Saarschleife outlook for a panoramic view.
Armin Weigel/dpa/picture-alliance/dpa/AP
Waldsassen Basilica: For some, a baroque church filled with jeweled skeletons may not be beautiful in the traditional sense of the word. But these remains of Christian martyrs exhumed from Roman catacombs more than 250 years ago carry an eerie and haunting mystique.
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The Mosel Valley: The Mosel Valley boasts some of the most scenic attractions and finest vineyards in Germany. A few standouts in this lush region include the medieval Eltz Castle, the vertiginous town of Cochem and Trier, the oldest city in the country.
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Krämerbrücke: The "merchants' bridge" can be found in the central city of Erfurt. The medieval bridge is lined on both sides by timbered boutiques and homes that have been continually inhabited for the last 500 years -- a record in Europe.
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Schwerin: The glimmering Lake Schwerin gives this northeastern city its bright charisma. Schwerin Castle, a highlight for visitors, sits in the lake and serves as the seat of the state's parliament.
Germany National Tourism Board
Zwinger Palace: Augustus the Strong commissioned this famous Baroque court in 1709. Today, its shooting fountains and impressive sculptures have made it the centerpiece of Dresden, the capital of Saxony, that once served as the home to monarchs and royal elects.
Germany National Tourism Board
Azalea and Rhododendron Park Kromlau: This 200-acre English landscape park was built in the 19th century in Gablenz, Saxony. The arched Rakotz bridge, also known as the "devil's bridge," reaches over one of the park's many bodies of water and creates a perfect circle with its reflection below.
Germany National Tourism Board
Lübeck: Lübeck is a small city, but its striking brick Gothic architecture and history as a major port have given it a UNESCO World Heritage designation. Many travelers who are visiting the maritime beauty of the city of Hamburg often plan a quick visit to Lübeck, which makes for a relaxing day trip.
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Maschsee Lake: This quiet and idyllic lake attracts families throughout the year in Hannover, the capital of Lower Saxony. However, it transforms during festivals in the summer, when the twinkling lights of the city reflect and glimmer back at visitors in the water.
Germany National Tourism Board
Caves and ice age art in Swabian Jura: Some of the oldest traces of human civilization exist inside six mesmerizing caves in the Swabian Jura region. Here, during the last Ice Age approximately 40,000 years ago, humans made their homes and left behind carved animal figures and musical instruments that viewers can see today.
Germany National Tourism Board
Rothenburg ob der Tauber: While driving along southern Germany's popular and scenic Romantic Road—a 350-kilometer route that cuts through mountain areas and abundant forests—many travelers make sure to stop at the storybook town of Rothenburg ob der Tauber. The half-timbered houses decorated with flower boxes and the little cobblestone streets make the "Plönlein" or "little square" particularly endearing.
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Nymphenburg Palace: Within the impressive grounds of Nymphenburg Palace lies the he Amalienburg, a residence and former hunting lodge that the Prince-elector of Bavaria Charles Albert built in 1734. The ornate interiors include the Rococo-style Hall of Mirrors designed by the architect François Cuvilliés the Elder.
Germany National Tourism Board
Neuschwanstein Castle: Built on a rugged hill by Ludwig II of Bavaria in the late 1800s, its Romanesque Revival style has made the castle a standout throughout Europe. The top of the structure offers a dramatic view of the Bavarian villages near Füssen below.
Germany National Tourism Board
Berchtesgaden National Park: Alpine lakes and ice-topped mountains are just a few of the natural wonders that make Berchtesgaden such a breathtaking national park.
In the elevator, I mash all the buttons, hoping for I don’t even know what. I take a few pointless joyrides up and down the fire escape. Then, I spot in the top left corner, the bulb of a security camera.
A horrible thought occurs to me – I really need someone to witness this, my greatest moment of embarrassment, because then they’ll come to my rescue. I switch the little towel around strategic areas while waving at the security camera.
After a while, there is a German loudspeaker announcement, and I just know, through some primal shame superpower, that this announcement is about me –that someone is giving me instructions.
But they don’t know I can’t speak German. And how do I communicate that to a security camera? I make “I’m stupid” motions while crying louder and waving at the camera.
Eventually, the elevator settles on the ground floor, and the doors open. A spa employee is standing there. He is, at most, 19. A child. No one has ever been more successfully wearing clothes than he is at that moment. He says something to me, and I cry. He sighs, his profound disappointment somehow even more mortifying to me in that moment.
He unlocks a door in the wall, and I realize, to my horror, that it opens onto the street. The only way out of the fire escape, apparently, is to fully leave the building, and re-enter the spa reception. I cower behind the door, hysterical. Down the street, people are lining up out of the reception doors, onto the pavement and into the parking lot.
At this point, I experience shame transcendence. I travel fully through embarrassment and out the other side. My whole body goes numb. I put my head up, pull my shoulders back, drop the washcloth, and follow this man along the pavement. Families are parking their cars. Children point. I cannot see them. I can taste the universe.
Reception is packed with queuing people, and my chaperone has to call out so I can get through the crowd. The spa-goers turn around, tutting, looking for the culprit that is skipping the queue, and finding me.
The spa employee pushes through the throng to talk to the receptionist. Meanwhile, I am forced to stand there. Waiting. Next to me, an elderly lady wearing a be-flowered swimming bonnet offers me her pool float. It is shaped like a lobster. The claws become my makeshift bra.
The receptionist finally says something to me, and my generous, lobster-loving neighbour interprets. “She wants your ID.”
My ID.
I am wearing only a lobster.
Where, oh where, would I be keeping my ID?
Despite the language barrier, I guess that the receptionist has no trouble interpreting my expression, because she lets me through the turnstiles. They are, however, quite narrow, and after a few false starts bouncing off the rails, I admit defeat, and hand back the lobster to my savior in the bonnet.
Dashing up to the changing room, I have a 10-minute shame-shower with the compulsory scrub-and-sob, throw myself into my clothes and run to find my boyfriend in the cafe.
And after all that, he has the audacity to be grumpy, because he’s been waiting for an hour.