Many One Direction fans are struggling to understand the death of the former group’s member, Liam Payne.
The 31-year-old singer died Wednesday after falling from the third floor of a hotel in Buenos Aires, Argentina, according to local police.
Grief over an artist’s death can be a strange parasocial loss. They’re lives become part of ours through their work, the best of which lets us see ourselves reflected on screen, or in song, creating a sense of connection.
Much of Payne’s fanbase grew up with him, magnifying the sense of loss over his sudden death.
Living a teenage dream
Video of what is believed to be Payne’s first television appearance was being shared widely on social media Thursday.
The year was 2008, when the the- 14-year-old aspiring UK singer from Wolverhampton auditioned for “The X Factor,” a popular reality talent competition.
At the time, the young Payne said he was more focused making music than schoolwork.
“It’s a dream. I’d love to do it,” he explained of his singing career aspirations.
Payne had a simple answer when judge Louis Walsh asked him why he was there to audition.
“I’m here to win,” Payne said. “A lot of people have said I’m a good singer, I’ve got the X factor. I don’t really know what the X factor is and I believe you guys do.”
He then performed a cover of Frank Sinatra’s “Fly Me To The Moon.” Judge Simon Cowell said he thought Payne had “potential” but lacked “grit” and “emotion.”
Payne was passed through to the next round to the delight of his family, but ultimately got cut during the live shows. He was told to go home, focus on his studies and return in two years.
He did just that and came to realize it had been the right decision to have him exit the show his first time around.
“I was really young and I wasn’t ready,” Payne said at the time. “Now I’m 16, I’m back and I’m ready to give it another shot.”
He impressed the judges with a cover of Michael Buble’s version of “Cover Me A River.” Cowell hailed his “confidence, “charisma” and his “believability.”
Ultimately, Payne was linked up with fellow contestants Niall Horan, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, and Zayn Malik because Cowell thought they worked better as a group than as solo artists.
Cowell’s hunch was right. As One Direction, the teens placed third in the competition but would go on to become one of the most successful boy bands of all time. Their global fanbase of “Directioners” fell hard for their boyish charm, talent and good looks. They also proved to be completely relatable to their young fans, connecting on social media as the platforms were rising in influence.
During an interview with MTV to promote their 2013 music documentary “One Direction: This Is Us,” the group answered questions from viewers, including one about the superhero they would want to be friends with.
Payne chose Iron Man.
“He’s just got that swagger and I think he’d be fun to be around,” he said.
A split and a relationship
The interest in the group and their personal lives reached a fevered pitch in their time performing together between 2010 and the announcement in 2015 that they were going on hiatus, following news that Malik was moving on from One Direction.
The remaining members returned to “The X factor” for a performance and by February 2016, there was speculation that Payne was dating the show’s judge Cheryl Cole. They made their red carpet debut as a couple at the Global Gift Gala in Paris, where Cole received the Philanthropist Award.
He took to social media to share their joy.
“So proud of her tonight 😘😘such a special award,” Payne wrote alongside a photo of them together.
The following year, they announced the birth of their son, Bear. The couple parted ways in 2018, but remained committed co-parents to their child.
“It’s been a tough decision for us to make,” Payne wrote in a statement at the time. “We still have so much love for each other as a family. Bear is our world and we ask that you respect his privacy as we navigate our way through this together.”
Tough times
Payne was open about some of the challenges he experienced navigating young fame.
“When you’re doing hundreds and hundreds of [concerts] and it’s the same 22 songs at the same time every single day, even if you’re not happy, you’ve got to go out there,” Payne told Men’s Health Australia in 2019.
“It’s almost like putting the Disney costume on before you step up on stage and underneath the Disney costume I was pissed quite a lot of the time because there was no other way to get your head around what was going on,” he told the publication. “I mean it was fun. We had an absolute blast but there were certain parts of it where it just got a little bit toxic.”
He discussed other personal struggles during a 2021 appearance on the podcast “The Diary of a CEO,” where he shared that he had been “worried how far my rock bottom was going to be.”
“Where’s rock bottom for me? And you would never have seen it,” he said. “I’m very good at hiding it. No one would ever have seen it.”
He also recalled seeing photos of himself looking bloated from substance abuse.
“I call it my pills-and-booze face,” Payne said. “My face was just like 10 times more than it is now. I just didn’t like myself very much and then I made a change.”
In July 2023, he revealed in a video shared on YouTube that he had sought treatment and was six months sober.
Payne said he was grateful and “absolutely loved,” his life which factored into pursuing sobriety.
“I love making music,” he explained. “That was the most important thing was going back to the root to find out why it is I liked this.”
Payne most recently released the song “Teardrops” in March.
“I always think in pictures as much as I think in sounds when I’m making music,” Payne explained in a video of him recording the song. “The feelings that these chords and different things give me, everyone of these songs is a story from my life.”