Opinion: The presidential debate our democracy deserves

Editor’s Note: Terry Szuplat, who served as a White House speechwriter for President Barack Obama, is an adjunct professor of political speechwriting at American University and the author of the forthcoming book, “Say It Well: Find Your Voice, Speak Your Mind, Inspire Any Audience.” The views expressed in this commentary are his own. Read more opinion articles at CNN.

In these polarized times, I’ve decided to do something that may sound crazy. I’m going to watch next week’s CNN debate between President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump with several hundred Republicans, Democrats and independents. In one room. Together.

What could possibly go wrong?

As Americans, we’ve lost, it seems, the ability to talk with one another. From our social media feeds to family dinners to town hall meetings to college campuses, we lecture when we should listen. We drown out the voices of those with whom we disagree rather than trying to persuade them to open their minds to a different point of view.

For the sake of our families, our communities and our democracy, the way we talk to one another has to change. We know this. Most Americans say they want more civility in our national discourse.But how do we get there?

As a speechwriter, I’ve spent nearly 30 years thinking about the language we use to communicate with each other. I admit that, at times, I’ve probably been guilty of overwrought rhetoric that’s contributed to our divisions. I’ve seen it in my own family too. I’m a liberal who wrote speeches for President Barack Obama. My uncle Dan was a staunch conservative who loathed Obama. Our “conversations” at Thanksgiving could get heated. More than once, I wish I had chosen my words more carefully.

We all need to do better.

That’s why I sought out the group that’s bringing together so many Republicans, Democrats and independents for what may be the largest debate watch party in the country. Braver Angels is one of the many grassroots organizations that have sprouted up in recent years to try to bridge partisan divides and debate issues from immigration to abortion with more civility, which they’ll do next week at their national convention in Kenosha, Wisconsin — one of the swing states that could decide this year’s presidential election.

In that spirit, here are a few ways that this year’s candidates — and we, as Americans — can debate the issues while upholding the civility we say we want.

Have some humility. We’ve come to our own political beliefs, we tell ourselves, through careful consideration of the facts. It’s the other guy who’s blinded by ideology. In fact, most of us inherit our politics — like our religion — from our parents. Conservative parents tend to raise conservative children; liberal parents tend to raise liberal children. When we remember that our politics are often a product of our environment — over which we have little control — perhaps we can all be a little less quick to dismiss those with a different worldview.

If you want to persuade, don’t condemn. By all means, stand up against racism, sexism and homophobia as the scourges they are. At the same time, if you’re trying to persuade a family member or neighbor to change their views, don’t call them a bigot. “Telling people they’re racist, sexist and xenophobic is going to get you exactly nowhere,” explained Alana Conner, former executive director of Stanford University’s Social Psychological Answers to Real-World Questions Center. “One of the things we know from social psychology is when people feel threatened, they can’t change, they can’t listen.”

Don’t otherize, demonize, or dehumanize. Politicians and TV pundits love to speak in terms of “us” vs. “them,” brand their opponents as “sinister,” “wicked” or “evil” or, worse, describe other people as less than human –”vermin,” “animals” or “hordes.” But history shows us where dehumanizing language can lead — slavery and segregation; more than six million Jews murdered during the Holocaust. Every one of us is responsible for the words that come out of our mouth — and every one of us can reject hateful rhetoric that can get people hurt or killed.

Don’t “fight” for your country.We have to “fight” for the future we want, politicians often tell us. It used to be metaphorical. These days, it’s all too real. In recent years, there have been hundreds of acts of political violence, including the January 6, 2021 assault on the US Capitol. Nearly a quarter of Americans agree it might be necessary to “resort to violence” to “save” the country from their political opponents. When politically-motivated attacks are a clear and present danger, we’d all be wise to step back from language that could be perceived as threatening or inciting violence.

Appeal to common identities.Trying to persuade someone? Avoid leading with statements like “As a Republican/conservative…” “As a Democrat/liberal…” Most Americans don’t embrace the label you’re proud of, and the moment you invoke partisan politics, the other person may stop listening. Try connecting on a different, more human, level: “As a mother/father/person of faith/veteran/American, I believe…” When you remind people of the identity you have in common, they’re more likely to listen to what you have to say.

Remember the values we share.Finally, even as we may disagree vehemently with one another on specific issues, it’s worth remembering that when it comes to core values, we’re still surprisingly united. Overwhelming majorities of Americans say they support equal protection under the law, the right to vote, freedom of speech, the right to privacy, freedom of religion, the right to assemble peacefully and freedom of the press. We’re still united around basic principles, like “honesty,” “responsibility” and “freedom.”

As one Braver Angels member said after I observed her and a group of liberals and conservatives spend a day talking with each other in a church basement in Virginia a few years ago, “We have sincere differences, but I think we’re motivated by deeply shared principles.”

That’s the spirit I hope to find when I watch the presidential debate with hundreds of fellow Americans in Wisconsin. Because the fate of our country of more than 330 million people will be decided — not only by candidates on a debate stage — but by the debates and conversations we have with our families, friends and neighbors every day. And none of us are going anywhere.

“Physically speaking, we can not separate,” President Abraham Lincoln told us in another era of division. “We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it, it must not break our bonds of affection.” Our great American experiment will only endure if we summon “the better angels of our nature.” That includes relearning how to speak to one another with the civility, empathy and honesty that our democracy deserves — and upon which its survival depends.