(CNN) On Wednesday night, President Donald Trump traveled to the key swing state of Florida to deliver a speech aimed at rallying the state's Republican voters behind him in advance of the 2020 election. Less than 24 hours later, he was back at it -- turning an event at the White House ostensibly on medical billing into an impromptu press conference.
I went through both speeches and picked out some of the most, well, memorable lines. They're below.
1. "I have to tell you that runway is like an ice skating rink. And the first step I said, you know this sucker is slippery. I think it was put in by the Democrats. I don't know, whoever the hell got that thing."
He's talking about the ramp up to the stage. And away we go!
2. "I'm telling you, it's like -- it's like ridiculous. You know what I'm saying. Therefore, don't pay the bill. OK. Because that is crazy, fellows, so next time we don't want to have that."
He's still talking about the slipperiness of the ramp. I think.
3. "Can you imagine if I went down? The press would have a field day for weeks and weeks. They'd say, he went down. He finally -- he made a mistake. Look at that. Isn't that terrible? Isn't that terrible?"
Rampgate, part 3. Also, this: "He finally -- he made a mistake."
4. "November 3, not November 8, it's November 3 and it's going to be just as special as November 8."
So, you're saying that Election Day one year isn't the same date as Election Day four years later? This requires more study...
5. "You got hit with a little hurricane called Michael. That was not a nice hurricane, I can tell you that, but it's going well and I'm thrilled to be here with really truly incredible men and women of the Florida panhandle."
You got hammered with a hurricane. But that's over now. And I am here now. Like, that's literally what he is saying here.
6. "We came, that was pretty bad stuff and I pledged to you unwavering support and the support of our nation until you have fully recovered and rebuilt and we will never, ever leave your side. We've already given you billions of dollars and there's a lot more coming as you do it."
7. "I just came from a stop at Tyndall Air Force Base where I saw the devastating effects of that Category 5 hurricane, Category 5. Never heard about Category 5's before. A Category 5 is big stuff."
Big, big stuff. Believe me.
8. "Puerto Rico got $91 billion and I understand they don't like me. It's the most money we've ever given to any -- anybody. We've never given $91 billion to a state."
This is one of Trump's most oft-repeated falsehoods. The actual amount of federal aid to Puerto Rico is $41 billion -- and most of that hasn't been spent yet.
9. "In fact, I brought a chart. Would you like to see a chart?"
10. "I have a great relationship with the people of Puerto Rico but it hasn't been fair the way they've treated all of us from the stand point of their leaders. Because the complain they want more money. They got $91 billion."
[narrator voice] They didn't.
11. "And I think that the people of Puerto Rico are very grateful to Donald Trump for what we've done for them."
"That's Puerto Rico and they don't like me." -- Donald Trump, literally 10 seconds before he said this.
12. "Instead of wasting time, energy, taxpayer dollars on partisan stunts and hoaxes and witch hunts, Democrats should be focused on building up our country. Did you see what just happened by the way? No collusion. No obstruction."
NO COLLUSION. (Many people are saying it.)
13. "Two years, almost $40 million, 20 Trump haters. Democrats, I call them angry Democrats. After two years, nothing."
It's not clear to me where he pulled the idea that the special counsel's office has "20 Trump haters in it." Twelve members of Mueller's team were registered Democrats. It's not clear how many of them were "angry."
14. "We want to do all of the things that you know about, and we're going to get it done."
This feels sort of light on specifics.
15. "They call themselves 'the elite.' Did you ever see the elite? This is the elite. They're not elite. You're elite."
Trump makes this pitch frequently -- and it's at the core of his appeal: He is making common purpose with the "average" person in a cultural war against the elites in government, media and everywhere else. Yes, it is more than a little strange that Trump -- a billionaire who, prior to winning the presidency, had never lived outside of New York City has successfully made himself into the voice of the common man.
16. "I say, 'You have better houses. So do I. You have better boats. You have better every -- you have better everything. You're smarter.' You know? I say, 'No, we're the elite.' So let's let them be the elite, but we're the super-elite."
The super elite: The elite, but with bigger houses. And boats.
17. "We had our little squabbles, minor squabbles."
This is Trump on Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, who once said of the President: "Donald Trump isn't gonna make America great, he's gonna make America orange again."
18. "The Venezuelan people, I know them very well. Those people around Doral, they're all -- it's Venezuela. I call it 'Little Venezuela.' I got to know them very well. They're great people. They're great people."
Just to be clear: The President of the United States is saying he is knowledgeable about the politics and people of Venezuela because some Venezuelans live around one of his golf clubs. Sure!
19. "That was the last speech I made, and we had 32,000 people show up at one in the morning. It was now Election Day. Think of that."
The venue Trump spoke at in his final campaign event of 2016 in Grand Rapids, holds around 5,000 people. Which is less than 32,000.
20. "We have a young man, Buttigieg -- Boot-edge-edge. They say, 'Edge-edge.' He's got a great chance, doesn't he? He'll be great. He'll be great. Representing us against President Xi of China. That'll be great. That'll be great. I want to be in that room. I want to watch that one."
Remember that Trump's natural state is as a bully. it's where he's best and most comfortable.
21. "Every time a foreign leader, a president, a prime minister, a king, a queen, a dictator -- we've got some of them, too. Every time they come into the office, they say, 'Congratulations on what you've done for this economy. It's the hottest on Earth.'"
Does this actually happen? It feels like it doesn't.
22. "Now, if we want to drive them crazy, I'll say 'in 10 years.' They'll go crazy. 'See, he is a despot. He is a despot. Well, 10 or 14, let's see. Whatever we like, right? Watch. It'll be headlines tomorrow: 'Donald Trump Wants To Break Constitutionality.'"
Well, first off, Trump does talk a lot about changing the rules on how long he can serve. And about how Democrats have cheated him out of two years of his presidency. Second: "Donald Trump Wants to Break Constitutionality" is, objectively speaking, a terrible headline.
23. "Remember last election? 'Oh, he's going to do so bad with women.' I did great with women."
Trump got 41% of the female vote. Hillary Clinton got 59%.
24. "Sometimes, you know, things like that happen and you get angry, and you get a little bit sad. And then, some of you weep. I don't weep, but you don't weep too much."
Trump is talking here about the late Sen. John McCain's vote against the so-called "skinny repeal" of Obamacare. And also about weeping.
25. "I know too many of you. They've never weeped in their life. They didn't weep when they were babies."
More hot weeping content.
26. "And as I stand here floating around on a piece of ice -- this is crazy. I'm a little bit concerned about leaving the podium. I'm holding. You have no idea what I'm going through on this stage. This is the worst damn stage I've ever seen."
Rampgate, part IV.
27. "They come in tomorrow, and whatever happens, don't worry about it. It'll all work out. You know why? It always does. Don't worry about it."
Donald Trump on a potential trade war with China: "It'll all work out. You know why? It always does. Don't worry about it." Um, OK?
28. "So we went to El Paso and I made a speech. And we had an arena that holds 8,000 or 9,000 people, the arena was packed. We had 35,000 people outside. We had these massive movie screens outside. So those people that couldn't get in could see."
The arena in question holds 6,500 people. Also, Trump has previously said that 69,000 people RSVP'ed for the event.
29. "It was the greatest election. And it continues, you know? Because they keep trying to take it away. 'Let's try and take it away.' That's not working too well. That's not working."
As I noted above, Trump is very keen on the idea that Democrats are somehow trying to take away his election successes.
30. "I got to the White House two and a half years ago. And the first night, I stood on the area, the beautiful residence, they call it. It's beautiful."
They call it the "residence," eh? Intriguing!
31. "In another historic action, we finalized an agreement to replace the horrible NAFTA trade deal with the brand new USMCA, like the song -- MCA."
[nods head slowly]
32. "So these countries put people in a basket like little -- who is it? Who is it? 'Ah, let's see. Come on, that's beautiful. This guy -- isn't he like a stone-cold killer?' 'Yeah. Take the --"
Donald Trump on the visa lottery system, folks! Also, what he's describing is not how the visa lottery system works.
33. "I don't care what it costs. We'll close our border."
The idea of closing the southern border entirely is logistically impossible -- and has been panned by lots of Republicans.
34. "They walk in, they read a statement by a lawyer, written by a lawyer at the border who probably gets paid by somebody that's not exactly friendly to this crowd. 'I am very fearful of my life. My country is a very frightening place to be. Please help me.' In the meantime, there's tattoos all over his face."
By this logic, you can't be a legitimate asylum seeker if you have tattoos on your face. Tough luck!
35. "Now, a lot of it, you don't need the wall because it's mountains, it's big strong rivers, it's snake country. Nobody's walking through certain areas. You've got to like snakes a lot."
Well, uh, yup.
36. "That's only in the panhandle, you can get away with that statement."
Trump was responding jokingly to someone in the crowd who shouted that undocumented immigrants should be shot trying to cross the border. So, that happened.
37. "The baby is born, and you wrap the baby beautifully. And you talk to the mother about the possible execution of the baby. No, can't do that."
38. "I wish the cameras -- will you please show these people? I go home. You know, you hear it. You hear it. You can hear how many people, but they never show it. They don't want to do it."
Trump has been saying this almost since he became a candidate. It still isn't true. The media regularly show shots of the crowds at his rallies.
39. "They weren't happy about it, but we've given you more promises than we said we would do."
[tries to understand logic at work, head explodes]
40. "There was a certain road in a certain state, they were working on it for 21 years. It cost hundreds of times more money. It used to be a straight line, now it's a line like this. If you had a couple of drinks, you had a very bad shot of making it home."
Ha Ha Ha ... wait, Trump is talking about drunk driving.
41. "Doesn't look too inviting. I come down to Florida, I say, 'What the hell is that?'"
The President of the United States on red tide. I literally Googled it for him: https://ocean.si.edu/ocean-life/plants-algae/what-exactly-red-tide
42. "Each of us in this great arena -- sort of an arena. It doesn't have a roof, but these are minor details. The problem is, if we had a roof you could never hold this many people, so..."
Tell me more....
43. "We're going to keep winning. We've never been winning like we're winning now. You've never had better numbers. You've never had, I think, more loyalty."
Winning -- to the extreme!
That was Wednesday night. By Thursday afternoon, Donald Trump was back in Washington -- and decided to hold an impromptu news conference! The lines continue...
44. "Well, he just wrote me a beautiful letter. And I received it."
Trump was asked about the rapidly approaching deadline to negotiate a trade deal with China. And he referenced the "beautiful" letter Chinese President Xi Jinping wrote him. Uh...
Also, "beautiful" is one of Trump's favorite adjectives. Here are 21 other things he has called "beautiful" including sleeping gas.
45. "I guess I'm hearing numbers now close to $40 million, with 17 or 18 very angry Democrats who hated Donald Trump."
But it was 20 angry Democrats just last night!
46. "And Bob Mueller's no friend of mine, I had conflicts with him. We had a business dispute, we had somebody that is in love with James Comey."
Trump regularly references this "conflict" with Mueller. But it wasn't a conflict. Mueller was a member of a Trump golf club in Virginia. He left the club because he lived in DC and wasn't using the club as much as he would have liked. The end. And all available evidence suggests that while Comey and Mueller are friendly, there's little to suggest that Mueller "is in love" with the former FBI director.
47. "You look at the picture file and you see hundreds of pictures of him and Comey."
[reaches into desk drawer, pulls out "picture file."]
48. "The report comes back. It's perfect. It's beautiful. There's no collusion. Nobody even talks about collusion."
The Mueller report made clear that there were a number of instances in which Trump looked to have engaged in obstructive behavior. So...
49. "I had a -- an event last night, a lot of you were there. Thousands and thousands of people, standing in field, they've never seen anything like it, meaning even the press."
50. "My son's a very good person, works very hard. The last thing he needs is Washington, DC."
This shouldn't need to be said but: Whether Donald Trump Jr. is a good person who works hard is totally immaterial to whether he should comply with a subpoena from the Senate Intelligence Committee.
51. "The Mueller report came out -- that's the Bible."
I'm dead. I died. RIP, me.
52. "My son is a good person. My son testified for hours and hours. My son was totally exonerated by Mueller, who, frankly, does not like Donald Trump -- me, this Donald Trump."
There's zero evidence that Mueller doesn't like Trump. None. Also, terrific use of third person here by Trump.
53. "You know, John Kerry speaks to [Iran] a lot. John Kerry tells them not to call. That's a violation of the Logan Act, and, frankly, he should be prosecuted on that."
A Kerry spokesman responded this way to CNN: "Everything President Trump said today is simply wrong, end of story. He's wrong about the facts, wrong about the law, and sadly he's been wrong about how to use diplomacy to keep America safe. Secretary Kerry helped negotiate a nuclear agreement that worked to solve an intractable problem. The world supported it then and supports it still. We'd hope the President would focus on solving foreign policy problems for America instead of attacking his predecessors for theater."
54. "And now, guys like Jerry Nadler -- who I fought for many years, successfully, I might add, back in New York, in Manhattan. He was a Manhattan congressman. I beat him all the time, and I come to Washington, and now I have to beat him again."
Trump didn't provide any details on how he beat Nadler.
55. "Just so you understand, we gave Puerto Rico $91 billion for the hurricane."
[narrator voice] He didn't.
56. "[Democrats are] trying to hold relief aid because Puerto Rico, which got $91 billion -- have to love their President -- they want to get Puerto Rico more money."
Again, nope! This feels like as good a place as any to end.