Every parent worries about online predators at some point. And while it's smart to be cautious, the facts show that it's actually fairly rare for kids to be contacted by adult strangers seeking sexual communication. Of course it's natural to be concerned when your kid goes into an unknown world. But instead of acting out of fear, arm yourself with the facts so that you can help your kids be smart, cautious, and savvy. If the concerns below ring true, use some of these strategies to be proactive in protecting your kids -- they'll make your kid safer and help you feel a lot better.
The concern: Every time I read the news, it feels like there's an article about some creep contacting a kid in a game.
The facts:
The strategy: More than inspiring fear in our kids, we want to arm them with information. So when you talk to your kid, tell them there's a chance someone could approach them online to get personal information, exchange pictures, and/or meet in person, and it might be someone who feels like an online friend. It's not the norm, and it's not a reason to be afraid all the time. It's simply a reason to be aware and know that if someone starts asking for personal information or talking about sexual stuff, it's time to get help from an adult.
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The concern: I can't keep up with all of the media my kid is into, so I don't know what games and apps to keep my eye on.
The facts:
The strategy: First, stay on top of what your kid is doing online by asking them which apps, games, and other tech they use. If they're on social media, friend or follow them. Set rules about times and places for device use -- for example, banning phones and tablets from bedrooms. Find out how they chat -- is it through an app or through their phone's SMS texting? (If they're using an app, it won't be easy for you to see it, so ask to do occasional spot checks.) Make rules around who they can chat with -- for instance, only people they know in real life. If your kid's a gamer, use these questions to probe deeper: Do you like multiplayer games -- and why? Do you chat with others while you're gaming? What's been your experience so far? What would you do if someone you didn't know contacted you? Help them set privacy settings to limit the contacts in their games.
The concern: I don't even understand how this works -- does an adult pose as a kid, then ask to meet?
The facts:
The strategy: We often tell kids not to talk to strangers or share personal information, but a kid's online relationships can feel just as real as their offline ones. So before they start chatting with anyone online, kids need to know some basic digital citizenship and online privacy information. For instance, kids should never share a phone number, address, or even last name with someone they've never met. Also, sharing sexy pictures or being overtly sexual online leaves an unwanted legacy, with or without creepy adults, so we need to teach kids about being mindful about their digital footprint. Plus, having nude pictures of a minor -- even if you are a minor -- is against the law and teens can get into legal trouble as a result. Finally, it's important to teach kids that if someone is asking a kid for sexy pictures or chat, that person is not a friend, no matter how cool or understanding they seem.
Apps to help keep track of what your kids are doing online
The concern: How would I even know if this is happening to my kid if they don't come out and tell me?
The facts:
The strategy: The tricky part is that most tweens and teens withdraw and are sometimes secretive; it's part of their development. If, however, you notice these in the extreme, that's a concern -- no matter the reason. Spot checks on the devices your kid uses to monitor for sexy posts and pictures and knowing some lingo can help, but open communication -- without accusation or overreaction -- is usually the most effective.
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The concern: This already happened to my kid, and I don't know what to do next.
The facts:
The strategy: First, don't panic. Instead, gather evidence: Take screenshots, save communications, and so on. Talk with your kid about the details without making them feel like it's their fault or that they're in trouble. Then report it to the platform or service your kid is using, block the person, and find the reporting features on other apps and games your kid uses together. Finally, contact the police. Even though it may seem like a one-time thing, that it's over, or you don't want to make it a big deal, it's best to let the authorities know in case the person is a known offender and to prevent them from doing it to other kids.